We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
