i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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