You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
