Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
