Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
