Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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