Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
