It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
