We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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