I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
