What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
