I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
