can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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