Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
