im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
