i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
