Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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