I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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