i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
