omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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