: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
