do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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