right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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