life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
