you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
