i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
