I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sext me about skeletons
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
