i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i dont even know how to be here
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
