Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
