As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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