I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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