the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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