I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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