I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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