Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
