Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
