Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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