Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
