me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
