Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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