My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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