do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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