They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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