Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
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I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.