They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
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I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
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I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.