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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We using my standards or yours?

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential

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• (308): View more from Nebraska

  What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?

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• (716): View more from New York

  He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.

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• (+33): View more from France

  He asked me how france is treating me

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.

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• (510): View more from California

  Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.

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