Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing