careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
lets start a swedish sibling band together
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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