Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
