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• (207): View more from Maine

  I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for

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• (772): View more from Florida

  remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...

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• (916): View more from California

  Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?

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• (510): View more from California

  Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.

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• (607): View more from New York

  You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.

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• (228): View more from Mississippi

  Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.

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• (805): View more from California

  Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours

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• (607): View more from New York

  with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?

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