I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.