So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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