I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
