we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
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somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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