THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
