If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Im part way to drunk.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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