oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
