she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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