we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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