some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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