Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
this will be a night to untag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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