My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
