I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
