the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
