my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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