Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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