Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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