You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
