xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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